


Happy Birthday

by NenUser007



Series: Killugon Week 2020 [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NenUser007/pseuds/NenUser007
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Series: Killugon Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729615
Kudos: 12





	Happy Birthday

Screw this. Screw it all.  
He could tell me to jump, I think I’d gladly fall.  
I think I’d gladly end it all.  
I think I’d detonate, I’d shrink so small.  
I’d be crushed just to break his fall.  
Screw it. Screw it all.

Killua took a long hard stare at the paper before igniting the spark that set it aflame. Gon would never read this.

Not because Killua didn’t have the guts to show him, but because he didn’t know if Gon would ever be conscious enough to read again.

Damn you Gon, he snarled, fists balled with rage.

He was standing outside the room. White hair, pale skin blended perfectly with the mono-nonchromatic walls. They were deafening silence. Killua’s bruises and blood sang out against it.

He wanted to detonate, just as the poem had described. He wanted the explosion to have been his. He wanted so desperately to trade places with the selfish boy who so easily became his greatest weakness.

But he knew he couldn’t, so he stared as the flame consumed the paper, sizzling against skin as it faded to smoke and ashes.

And they came down his face again, tears and a lump in his throat he didn’t even try to settle. He deserved this. There would be no more shame or embarrassment. No pain. No sensation from the burn, from the shattered ribs. He’d already met his greatest hurt, greatest deprivation, greatest pain possible. 

And Gon had done this to him.

My fault. My fault. Your Fault Zoldyck! His mind screamed, an almost entirely different entity outside of himself.

He dared wander into the room. He dared look at what was left of the only one he’d ever managed to love.

Illumi’s words whispered into his mind like a demon’s soft, paralyzing chant.  
You aren’t capable of making friends. You aren’t capable of love. You are an assassin. All you know is how to kill.

Killua cried harder. Some job I did at disproving that.

His worst fear had come true. His greatest insecurity was living and breathing next to him. Gon’s unrecognisable body was proof of Killua’s deepest, darkest anxiety.

Because of. You.

His brain seemed to chant the phrase over and over again, a rhythmic, melodic imprint against the skull he wished had caved in during the explosion.

He gritted his teeth, took the simple plastic string in his hand, and tied it to the edge of the monitor, barely able to hear it’s faint tapping, meant to be Gon’s heartbeat.

He couldn't hear it because of the blinding pressure his tears had forced over his body, as he shook, breaking further with every breath.

Killua sank as he watched the tethered balloon rise over them both. 

He hoped Gon would survive to enjoy his thirteenth year of life.

“Happy Birthday,” he choked out. Letting his grief consume him into oblivion.


End file.
